12 Bitchin’ New Holidays Enacted by President Obama in the Dead of Night

By James Sweeney

As a final wink-and-nod to the American people he loves so much, President Barack Obama recently released a list of new national holidays set to take effect on January 2nd, 2017. And I think I speak for all of us when I say that I just love what our furry little man has done! We’re surely gonna miss our Grey-Haired Prince when he’s gone, but it’s not like his strong, protective arms will have disappeared! They’ll be there, just as they’ve always been, ready to hold us close and shield us from whatever unimaginable nightmares the next four years may hold. I truly believe that we should all rest easy at night, knowing that he worked tirelessly to leave his blood, sweat, and tears all over this great nation of ours. Obama’s America – forever and always.

January 17th – Michelle’s Birthday

February 9th –11th – Choirs Take to the Streets!


March – Biracial History Month

April – Hawaiian-Born History Month

May – A Month for All Those Whose Childhood Was Spent Partially in Indonesia,   and the Stories They Carry With Them

June 8th (10-11:30 PM) – Sasha’s Post-Prom Wind-Down (feat. Pharrell Williams)


July 2nd – July 5th  – Open Up Those Borders, Baby!*

August 15th – 30th  – Cop Vacation

cop vacation.png

November 25th – White Genocide: Phase I

December 30th –  Turn In Your Guns Or Lose Your Sons

December 31st – 7/11 Bring Your Own Slurpee Cup Day



Executive order yourself up a cold one Mr. President, you’ve done it again!

*Discount Day-passes available