The 7 Best Places To Fuck On Campus

by Our Sex Expert

From our recent release, “Nonsense’s Guide to Travel

Aw yeah buddy. You know what time it is. It’s Fuck time. Time to get on the old stallion and give it a nice whip and see where it takes you. We all know what sex is here at Nonsense Humor, and we know the best places to get it down with your significant other when you’re in a hurry. You know, when you don’t feel like walking literally not that far to an actual bed because you love cold dirty floors on your sweaty ass. Anyway, here’s the list.

  • 1. Plato’s Lap

Nothing is sexier than putting mustard on that sausage while sitting on a granite statue of one of the most prominent philosophers in Ancient History. His Symposium is one of the most important books on love ever written, and now you’re making some important and impromptu love on his cold hard lap.

  • 2. Adam’s Playhouse Basement Bathroom

If you’re gonna have some wash closet fun time, might as well make sure that toilet water is clean. You don’t want your leg slipping into some old water that mosquitos have now laid eggs in. Unless you do want that… Trust me Adam’s Playhouse’s basement bathroom is the cleanest on campus. Don’t go on a Thursday at 9:23pm, though. That is when and where our publication meets this coming semester. (Or do go then, we’ll just watch).

  • 3. While Waiting for Your Burger at Bits and Bytes

Yeah we’ve all been there. You’re waiting for your “Burning Love Chicken Sandwich” and just the thought of a burning love turns you on. You ask several people if they would like to pass the time with a quick go at the each other’s “Netherlands Complex.” Once you find your suitor, just go for it. This will actually make them cook your chicken faster.

  • 4. The New Pride Pantry

Why else would Hofstra need a pantry. 90% of Hofstra students have more than $21,345 dollars in their bank accounts and the other 10% smoke cigarettes. This room was built for the sole purpose of making the sweet fuck in private. Book your time slot with SGA. They are tabling every single day of next semester.

  • 5. The Aquatic Center

Pfft! No one swims anymore. Swimming is for the fishes, pal. This place is just chlorinated fuck juice at this point.

  • 6. The “Willy” and “Kate” Costumes

There’s no way our adequate school mascots are not both two people having sex covered in sweaty fabric. What student would do that willingly or even for money. The two couples inside probably needed a quit place to get funky with their junky, and the costumes were the only places to do so. Just find the costumes wherever these four sex doers leave them around campus and slip yourself inside with someone who wants to do you.

  •   7. The Bone Room.

We all know exactly where this is. You know that part of campus, and then you go left down the hall and open that door. You know where. Right? Please. Where is the bone room? I’m supposed to be the sex expert and I don’t know where Hofstra’s bone room is. Help me out.