By Brenna Lilly
Here at Nonsense Humor Magazine, we know that ganja groupies can be found everywhere. We all know that one stoner: bleary-eyed, curled up in the corner, asking for some water or maybe a chip. But not just stoners are smoking the gud-gud today. Almost everyone does the thing! Where are these people, exactly? Are they hiding under your pillow? Are they in your Western Philosophy class? Are they your jaded and tenured professors? Are they writing for your own Long Island collegiate humor magazine?
In a groundbreaking study from the chair of joint affairs at Jungian Organization for Intellegence In Natural Technology, a joint discovery was made between the joint chair and the University of Boulder. it has been discovered that at any given point in time, there are always exactly four-hundred and twenty individuals smoking marijuana (also known as cannabis, reefer, or the oregano you found in your dad’s underwear drawer at the tender age of nine). The study, which received an unprecedented number of student volunteer responses, surveyed the habits of cannabis connoisseurs everywhere. Twenty minutes ago? 420 people lighting one up. Thirteen seconds ago? 420 blunt-boyz blowing their bongos. The minute you were fucking born? 420 stoney-baloney-homies doing the dirty deed, one of which was your father in the car outside the hospital. “We are aware,” one of the weed scientists said, “That Marijuana has become a multibillion dollar industry. But there are always 420 people smoking. No less, and no more. That is why it is the number for weed.”
“Ohhhhhhhh. That’s why,” mused interviewee Jack Hudson, freelance poet and head-shop employee. “I never fucking knew that. Nobody ever knew – I always asked my friends and it was kinda like, well, just go with it. It was some mythical shit. Yo, you gonna buy that blunt wrap?”