If you can’t wait to get your first year at Hofstra started on the correct one of your two feet, this Meeting and Greeting event is an absolute must, and remains the only place where you can meet members of your advising team as well members of Hofstra’s administration. Here are some other people to look out for. Please look out.
Your Orientation Leaders:
Just like those three days you were carted around campus and forced to sleep in a room with a strange man you’d never seen and shall never again see, your Orientation Leaders are going to be with you every step of the way. They sacrificed the sweat of their brow for you to become slightly more accustomed to this campus, and we’ll be damned if they don’t do it some more! They can’t wait to welcome you into the Hofstra Pride, and we can’t wait to accept you into our warm human arms. You’ve longed for this.
One of Several Artisanal Sauces:
You may not be so lucky to meet each and every one of these semi-solids. But you better bet the lowest of your dollars that one of these suckers is sure to be hanging around, or at least smeared all over the table you are going to be forced to sit at.
You will sit.
You know it, gang! Everyone’s favorite kooky guy, the Arch-Commandant of Hofstra himself, Ghoulberl Rodinia, will be presiding over the event. Any new student prepared enough to bring a grappling hook can attempt to scale the 43-foot tall granite replica of his head. He is likely waiting atop the stone effigy, and after a series of pensive beard strokes, the twitch of an eyebrow, and the slow knowing nod of someone exactly three-hundred-thousand years your senior. This is the guidance we all crave. However, his wisdom won’t leave you. Please don’t leave. His love is stern, like we’re all used to, but it is fair. He shall answer one question to any student skilled enough to meet him. With this answer, he shall reveal some sliver of ancient knowledge that you, just as those who came before you, will pass up for the sake of pride.
He lives all the way in Arizona and said he would go to your graduation, but Buck made it out here for the other bookend as well.
“Lemme tell ya sport, I’m real proud of you for being the first person in the family to read an orientation pamphlet. How about after we get out of this here meet n’ greet, we head on up up to Fat Bob’s Ice Cream and grab a couple of scoops of the good ol’ blackberry-swirl?.
“I tell you what kiddo when I was your age I’d already been working in a sawmill for 4 years. Every time I exhaled until I was 20, you could see little chips of wood on account of them not givin’ us any safety equipment. Yes, it was a different time back then, where you had to be able to fend for yourself. People were tougher for sure, but that’s only because they needed to be. I wish I was as lucky as you to have all the advantages you kids have now. But hey, I’m an old man and even though us old men could spend all day thinking about the past and what we did and didn’t do, I’m just so glad that you are getting this opportunity.”
When you wake up from your brief fever dream and realize he isn’t there, don’t say we didn’t warn you. Your whole life has been warning you.
A Lonely Field in Connecticut
She’s been with you in your heart and in your soul from the very beginning. She whispers the secrets of life into your ears, but only at the moment when you’ve turned away to face the rest of your waking days. Every time you close your eyes eyes, you swear you smell that almost-sweet grass, almost like a grass perfume, and you can count the moments in each and every blade. She’ll be there. The alabaster papery skin on her hand touches you, but know that sensation is only in your heart.
Twenty-year-old Sandra is a double major in Chemistry and Health Sciences in her second year here at Hofstra. She likes to write in her spare time, but what truly intrigues her is extending the lifespan of humanity through manipulation of the human genome. Sandra dreams of a long life.
She’ll be walking around, meeting with members of her Success Team at the event. Don’t be a stranger! But keep your distance. There will be others.
Each of these people is committed 100% to seeing you strive and succeed here at HU. All you have to do is go out there and reach for the stars and know that your family, these people, and even your family have got your back!